Movie Review: Magnificent Seven

Spoiler: Magnificent Seven Sucks

Don't watch this movie.

The director is able to coax flat, uninspired performances from Denzel Washington and Chris Pratt.

Combined with typically chaotic Hollywood action sequences, you end up with an unenjoyable slog through two hours of predictable set pieces.

I'm sure the camera held long enough to meet stars' contractual mugging obligations. Hold…that's it, just a few seconds more…should have cut 9 seconds ago…keep holding…

Excruciating to watch.

Review now complete, read on for my suggested alternatives.

Better Remakes

  • 3:10 to Yuma (2007) — My favorite Western, 3:10 to Yuma tells a deeply moving story of family and survival in the harsh reality those pioneers faced. Each character feels real and different.
  • True Grit (2010) — Amazing performance by Hailee Steinfeld, the memory of which was still a more powerful character than anyone in Magnificent Seven.

Original Story Idea

  • Cowboys vs Aliens — The title makes this movie seem campy, but it's a wonderfully woven story with satisfying action. Both recognizable and new. Plus Harrison Ford.

The Original Itself

  • Seven Samurai — Seven Samurai is a famous Kurosawa masterpiece. Subsequent Magnificent Sevens are always based on this. If you haven't seen it, you're in for a treat.